bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
