she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this just has baby written all over it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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