The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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