Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
