just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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