I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
