girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
