Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
