You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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