I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
