I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
