I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
