stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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