i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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