right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize