Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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