I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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