I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
