I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish my penis had an off switch
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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