Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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