Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
