We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
