i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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