life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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