dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
