I think I died a long time ago.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
