Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
