I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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