At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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