3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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