My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My pussy is not your playground.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
