if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
