i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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