sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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