there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
