i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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