the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
