I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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