I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
