By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
