at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just invented taco cereal.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
