your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
