My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
