oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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