they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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