hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
