im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
