Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
