so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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