This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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