those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
NoShamevember. You game?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
