ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
