I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
