You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
