my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He? As in you personified your dick?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
