covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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