On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
