ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
