Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
