She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
