xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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