She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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