Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
