Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
