I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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