i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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