my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize